Below, you can read Annemie's full interview with Griet. Discover more about Griet's "time-out" and how she herself got out of the fog. She rediscovered her strength and now has a passionate and positive outlook on life again. Back to basics, nurturing the people around you, prioritizing your health, and seeing yourself as your best friend. Vulnerability also holds great strength. Griet is a very strong woman.
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Annemie : Hi Griet, you wrote to me that you hit a concrete wall last year—figuratively speaking. By which you actually mean, I crashed.
Griet : Yeah, that's right. That's a very strong word, isn't it, crashing?
Annemie : Crashing is a strong word, a concrete wall is also a strong word. So it was really intense?
Griet: Yes, it really was 5 past 12. It was my body's cue saying, "We're not going to do this anymore, we're going to stop here."
Annemie : And what signals did your body start giving you?
Griet : I couldn't sleep anymore. I was exhausted, but I could see every hour of the night. And then you get even more stressed, because you see 1, 2, and 3 a.m. on the clock, and you know, "I have to get up at 6 a.m." So I couldn't find any rest, which might have caused my body to go into overdrive. And that's why my body started sending me signals, because in my head, everything was still okay. I think I was surviving purely on willpower. It also became a bit foggy around me.
Annemie : What do you mean, it became foggy around you?
Griet : Yes, foggy. I've experienced that myself, like waking up drunk and going to bed drunk. Very annoying, because in my own cocoon it was manageable, but around people it got worse. I'd have a bit of stage fright and panic attacks, and that, of course, exacerbated the whole situation.
Annemie : You also started to get the feeling that a fog had lifted around you and other people?
Griet : Yeah, it's all very blurry. Not being on your toes anymore, not being able to connect with things anymore. Yes, being trapped in a kind of body where you can't express yourself.
Annemie : It's frightening, isn't it? Because you work in a company, in a very responsible position. You're very alert and someone who has things under control and likes to be that way, and suddenly you can no longer rely on yourself and your body as much.
Griet : No, indeed: I lost control. Someone like me, a perfectionist, who has everything in order. And my life was essentially a series of activities, of "doing this and that from this hour to that hour." And at a certain point I felt like I had to go faster to find that peace, so I just lived with the idea that I had to keep going and still build in those moments of rest. But that completely changed, because it only made me more restless; not only professionally but also personally. And that's why it happened to me.
Annemie : And that concrete wall you're talking about: is that simply the system collapsing, a moment of "this is where it stops, this is where everything goes black?"
Griet : Yes, now it's going black. And in retrospect, I'm very happy that my body indicated that, because your body is actually an instrument that you should cherish. If my body hadn't sounded the alarm, I don't know where I would have ended up. So in that respect, I'm very happy with it, in retrospect. But you don't see it right away, do you?
Annemie : They were warning signs, but you didn't see them for a long time, right?
Griet : No, maybe the signals were clear to others? People who had the same thing happen to them—it was obvious to them. But I chose to ignore them: "It wouldn't happen to me." As a self-made woman, that wasn't for me. So I was indeed in that denial phase for a very long time.
Annemie: Because you were strong, and you had things under control, and you would figure it out. These days, people often talk about burnout. Would you use that term?
Griet : That's a very harsh term for me.
Annemie : Why?
Griet : Um, in all forms of vulnerability, it comes with a very harsh label. I've always liked to call it a time-out. But it took me quite a few months to even come to that term. Those around me also knew they'd rather not talk about it. But when my husband spoke to me, he always referred to it as "your time-out." So he definitely respected that because he also sensed how difficult it was to actually say that. For me, that was actually a really difficult label. Well, a really difficult label.
Annemie : Yes, I understand that. The word "time-out" also has a perspective; it's a defined period. But as you initially put it: a concrete wall. That's a harsh term, isn't it? Imagine hitting a concrete wall. That's a hard blow.
Griet : Yes, and you can only detect that in hindsight. I never realized it at the time; for me, it was like hibernation. It also had a very slow recovery.
A lot of research: why is this happening to me and what can I do to actually pick up the thread again? But effectively, it's a matter of going underwater and coming back up and seeing what tools I have to be who I was again. That's how I wanted to be.
Annemie : To stick with that image: you're completely underwater, you come back up, you survived, you didn't succumb to it. But how do you get your life back on track? How did you do that?
Griet : A very important question for me was: what gives me energy? Even when I'm tired, what gives me a huge amount of energy? And then I started looking at my body, because of course, it was depleted. I don't have the best gut, so I really started to delve into it. I read books about the importance of your gut; it's linked to your immune system, to having beautiful skin, and to the brain. These days, that's really underestimated: the importance of being healthy inside. Because that's definitely reflected on the outside.
Annemie : Yes, that's right. It turns out, recently, that the intestines are so much more important than we ever thought. We quickly look at the heart and the liver, but the intestines are also so essential. So that was an important one!
Griet : Yes, that's right. And I also noticed what I didn't want anymore. Because I felt like I was missing something, and I thought I could solve that by buying material things. I thought that would make me happy, but those were only instant moments of happiness and didn't last long.
Annemie : So that's true; it seems that buying something for yourself does indeed create a feeling of happiness. A hormone called serotonin is released. But that feeling of happiness is very short-lived. And internally, it doesn't create more happiness. It just gives a little pep in your step: "Wow, that's nice!"
Griet : Yes, and I believed everything! "This leads to this and that leads to that." But, I'm a marketer, so I should know that's actually marketing jargon sometimes. But still, I sometimes had to treat myself, and then I bought everything I saw.
Annemie : And did you go far in that, in buying online?
Griet : Um, sometimes. Then I just kept things I didn't need. Then I thought, "Oh, should I send it back? We'll just keep it." Even though that wasn't necessary. And I want to highlight that, you don't have material things are necessary to be happy. Decluttering gives so much peace and space in your head. And what I'm doing right now is really looking at, what do I have necessary? And I consciously look for that item and I don't let myself be overloaded anymore Because of everything around me. And I only look at what's good for me right now.
Annemie : So you can unlearn that, that feeling of closing a hole inside yourself? You can unlearn that.
Griet : Yes, that's right.
Annemie : What else did you learn about yourself?
Griet : I was really looking for that recognition because, as a perfectionist, I couldn't force myself to accept it anymore. And then I thought, "How can I please others more and still get that recognition for myself?"
Annemie : Ah yes, so pleasing, pleasing other people, giving pleasure to other people in order to get a good feeling that way.
Griet : Yes, that's right. And sometimes it went against my values and standards. But I kept doing it, and in a way, that's the message I want to convey: always be yourself.
Annemie : Yes, and can you give a concrete example of that? Of people-pleasing behavior.
Griet : For example: important anchor moments from people around me. I really started putting that in my calendar so I wouldn't forget. And then I'd miss it anyway, and I'd get feedback from them afterward. And then I'd feel so bad, like, "I didn't do that or I forgot."
Annemie : Yes, for example my birthday, that you would forget my birthday.
Griet : Yes, like my godchild's birthday. It was in my calendar, and yet I got feedback from her first. And that felt a bit like failure.
Annemie : Yes, but you were super strict on yourself, and you found that out.
Griet : Yes, I'm strict and a perfectionist. And that's something I'm going to have to let go of a bit more.
So I started looking for how I was actually going to do that.
Annemie : Yes, because that doesn't seem easy to me either, if that's how you are. You can't become someone else, can you?
Griet : Yes, that's right, but I do know my pitfalls now. And I have them very clearly and visually in mind. And every moment I feel like, "I'm slipping into one of my pitfalls," I'll be able to detect that better. And then I'll be better able to get back on track, because I know how far I've come and I know I don't want to go back to who I was back then.
Annemie : Apparently, it's also a huge process of self-analysis and self-examination. Did you do that alone, or did you seek professional or therapeutic help?
Griet : Yes, of course. I've got a fantastic safety net from my work and from my husband too. My colleagues and my family. Absolutely, and that's a must, of course.
Annemie : Is that important?
Griet : Absolutely, especially to avoid letting prejudices get the better of you. Being vulnerable is actually quite difficult, especially for a perfectionist, but also something very beautiful. Because everyone carries something within. And whatever the judgment, if you can be vulnerable, that's something very beautiful and the right way forward.
Annemie : So, actually, your vulnerability is also your greatest strength? If you can push through that, you become stronger.
Griet : Yes, and it's okay to open up and be yourself. You don't have to conform to fit in. It's more authentic to be yourself than to follow the herd.
Annemie : And is or was it difficult to be yourself or to find yourself again?
Griet : Yes, that was very difficult.
Annemie : And how do you approach that? Are there any concrete tools for that?
Griet : Not really, but atypically, I did know what gives me that energy. And I started looking: I always put myself last. And now I'd said, "I'm going to start with myself." I'm simply going to put myself first and see what factors give me energy? What things do I truly need in my life? And for me, that's discovering new things, for example. When I travel, new places and new dishes. Also meeting new people, just talking to strangers on the street. I actually had the time to talk to people back then; otherwise, I would just keep cycling. I had a neighbor who was a bit older and not so mobile, and he always took a moment to chat with me. That gave me a lot of refreshment and oxygen. So that was something I definitely wanted to cherish. I also love color; I prefer not to be a gray mouse, so anything with color, I'll definitely grab it. I love culture, art, beautiful fashion, the good life. Enjoying the little things.
Annemie : They say that beauty is comfort, is beauty that important?
Griet : Is beauty important? I think, no matter how beautiful you may be on the outside, if your inner self doesn't reflect that, you'll quickly notice. Someone who is beautiful on the inside doesn't need new clothes. And they radiate that beauty.
Annemie : You also talked about art and culture. That, too, is beauty, and it can offer comfort. What do you find in that?
Griet : I'm more fond of beautiful paintings, for example. And in my house, I love the Ibiza colors; my house is full of color because it gives me so much sunshine. Art and culture are also something we do often. That's something that really enhances your life.
Annemie : So you really start to pay attention to surrounding yourself with those things and doing those things.
Griet : Yes, and certainly the last important point, that was my girlfriends.
Annemie : Friendship is important?
Griet : Yes, friendship is incredibly important. We don't see each other often, but thanks to my time-out, we started seeing each other more and more. And that also means: you have to cherish those people. Those friendships are worth so much. I've been given so much, and I don't need to give anything back. And also, start your weekend on Friday because that really pays off on Monday. Make plans, and that simply extends your weekend.
Annemie : Wait, wait, you're giving all sorts of tips here, haha, and at a breakneck pace. First, let's pause for a moment. So cherish your friends, and you say to your girlfriends, cherish the friendship.
Griet : That was something I might have lost sight of a bit: everyone's busy with work, and then COVID, so it's all been a bit of a postponement. But when we needed to connect, we've always been there for each other.
Annemie : So your friends were there when you were in that deep?
Griet : Yes, from the first week.
Annemie : Yes, that's super important, isn't it? But I also find your next tip very interesting: you say "start your weekend on Friday." Which is essentially saying that wasn't your habit?
Griet : I was glad it was Friday evening, that my couch was beckoning and my glass of wine. But as tired as you are, I got more energy from actually doing business, even if it was seeing someone, having lunch, or meeting up in the evening. That Friday evening, I really want to keep it that way so I can schedule something for it.
Annemie : So do something with it and make something of it!
Griet : Do something with that and don't just plop down on the couch, because before you know it, it'll be Saturday and you'll almost have to think back to Monday. But that Friday makes a huge difference!
Annemie : I think that's a really good tip, and I'd appreciate it too. Now, what I do have is dreading Mondays. So I'm guessing Monday felt like a mountain for you? Is that true?
Griet : Yes, that's right!
Annemie : What happened to you over the weekend?
Griet : Um, so on Friday I was too tired, so I needed that to recover anyway. And then on Saturday it was housework, going to the store, and so on. And on Sunday I started canceling basically everything. Meeting up with my friends, for example, because I felt like "I don't really have anything to say." Am I going to be okay, am I going to live up to expectations? I started canceling everything on Sunday just to be ready to go back to work. So I wasn't going to do anything on Sunday either, like go for a drink or eat something—that was out of the question.
Annemie : So I hear you saying two things? On the one hand, you were almost dreading the tiring week ahead, so you started conserving your energy, but at the same time, you canceled all the fun things because it was almost becoming a burden.
Griet : Yes, and I also had the feeling that if I put energy into that, that is energy that I need to get through the working week, because that was the most important thing at that time.
And now, in retrospect, I see that those private things give me so much energy that they also provide the peace of mind to be able to face the work week again.
Annemie : Griet, you're actually giving us a wealth of golden tips that are very easy to implement. Start your weekend on Friday, cherish your friendships, make something of that weekend, look at yourself, be happy with yourself... How did you arrive at all these insights?
Griet : Well, that didn't happen overnight, of course! I I knew I was going to make a mood board...
Annemie : And what is that, a mood board for yourself?
Griet : Yes, that happened gradually. I knew I was going to look at myself holistically and analytically. That was my focus. Making sure my body gave me energy so that my mindset was also right; that was very important to me. And all those elements surrounding that, that nourish my external self, I discovered that through my holistic path. I started writing that down on a blank sheet of paper, and from there, the visual aspect actually emerged, from the sun, the sky, and the sea. My pitfalls are in the sea; I've hidden them a bit with crepe paper, but still visible so I can keep detecting them and recognize them more quickly.
Annemie : You've actually been your own therapist.
Griet : Yes, actually.
Annemie : And in a way, it still is; that shows that you have found a lot of wisdom and strength within yourself.
Griet : For me, the key question was: how do I get my energy back? Where was my drain, and how can I find it? Both for myself and in my environment. And once you know your opposites, you should actually start mapping out your structure. And how you visualize that doesn't really matter.
What I want to say is just, all those strong womenkeeping the balls in the air today, it's okay to be vulnerable
to say, it's okay to invest in what really matters, and it's not
what I'm doing today but especially why.
Annemie : That concrete wall was only there last year. How far along are you now in that healing process, of getting back up and loving yourself?
Griet : It's still very early days indeed! I'd set myself at 70% right now. There are also days of 60%, but I'm sure I won't drop back to 40%.
Annemie : That's quite reassuring to know that.
Griet : Yes, but I've had really good people around me. And I think that's very important, because self-study is okay, because I knew exactly where I wanted to go. I already knew what Griet should look like.
Annemie : What I remember, Griet, is that you are in you have found yourself an enormous strength to climb out of that valley, but at the same time that you yourself were your biggest obstacle. And that is something very double. You've been too hard on yourself, and on the other hand you've also found the strength back within yourself. I think that is very strong that you do that that you have come to that insight yourself and that you also pass it on.
Griet : Yes, and I also see it as a kind of embrace of yourself as your best friend. Side by side. Loving yourself and carrying yourself along with you into the future, side by side. Not denying your identity, respecting your values and standards, and truly trying to follow your gut. Because you're not going to deceive yourself.
And it has indeed been difficult, but I know that I have to follow the right path now.
Annemie : And just now you said: seeing yourself as your best friend, that's a really great one. Great, Griet, thanks.
Griet : Thank you, Annemie.
