Strong woman Sarah talks about 'go girl' and how she overcame breast cancer

Annemie : Hi Sarah

Sarah : Hi Annemie

Annemie : You were very young, 31, mother of two young children, when heaven fell on your head. What happened that day?

Sarah : I remember it very well, I go back to December 12, 2017.

Annemie : 6 years ago.

Sarah : Yes, six years ago. I'm having an MRI scan because I have a faulty gene, which puts me at increased risk for breast cancer and several other cancers. So I had to be monitored closely. And I'm having the scan done preventatively.

And guess what? They had indeed found a lump in my right breast. Indeed, the ground gives way beneath your feet.

Annemie: So then the verdict comes: breast cancer .

Sarah : Indeed, I was 32 at the time. My daughter was just 3 years old, and my son wasn't even 2 yet. So, we were actually still thinking about having a third child. But that wish was completely dismissed at that point.

Annemie : A verdict like that actually creates a before and after. Life changes completely, the ground shifts beneath your feet.

Sarah : Yes, at that point, you really have no choice. Well, there's a period between the time you have the test and the diagnosis, and then there's actually a period in between when you can go to the oncologist to talk. Like, look, we've got this diagnosis, what's next?

What all needs to happen? I have to say, there was a week or two between them. And I know my husband, in that time. Yeah, I don't remember much about it myself anymore; it's very strange, it's a bit of a blur. I went back to work then, but I can't remember what those days were like. But at some point, my husband and I were with that oncologist. And I'd already noticed that my husband wasn't coping well those days. So I'd already told him, "Come on, we can't just sit around and do nothing. We have two young children, we have to take care of them."

So at a certain point, we're sitting with the oncologist, listening to what the process will be like. And you hear that there will be a long chemotherapy treatment, followed by some surgical procedures. And I think, okay, we're going to do this. You have a tremendous survival instinct that surfaces . And at the end, the oncologist explains the side effects and such, and at the end, the oncologist says, "You now know what's going to happen in the coming months, are there any questions?" And for me, it was very clear: this is what we have to do. And my husband did have one question, and he says to the oncologist, "I do have one more question. More of a psychological one, but we now know what Sarah will have to do to overcome the cancer, but what are her chances of survival if she does all this?" And at that moment, I look at my oncologist in the operating room. If she hesitates for a moment in her answer, I don't know how my husband is going to handle it. And at that moment, she answers clearly and concisely: "Yes, her chances of survival, if she can get through all this, then her chances of survival are good." And I have to say, at that moment, my husband says: "Okay, thank you, doctor. Then we'll go for it. I'm glad you told me this, because I've actually been thinking for two weeks that I'm going to lose my wife after the diagnosis."

Annemie : Yes, so you know your husband well. You knew what he needed at that moment. The assurance that you could survive. You also say you felt a tremendous urge to survive. What is that?

Sarah : Well, I have to say. I still remember very well the moment I got the diagnosis, not knowing what was to come. I remember just crying so hard and for a long time in my sister's arms. Truly the experience of being terrified . Not knowing, "Will I survive this?" Because the diagnosis wasn't good; it was a very aggressive tumor. And you also have two small children, the fear of not knowing, "Will I see them grow up?"

And I'm so happy, I was also guided by a psychologist during my chemotherapy. I'm so glad she told me , "Yes, Sarah, it's true, you were terrified. And you have to learn to cope with that through chemo." But once you know, we have to go through this journey and there's a good chance of survival, that's somewhat reassuring. And then you're on such a survival adrenaline rush that you can't even stomach it when chemo doesn't go through. Because yes, you're weak, those blood cells do strange things. At one point, I'd been doing well for a few weeks, and then suddenly the news arrived: "Sorry, the blood counts aren't good. If we were to administer chemo now, it wouldn't go well."

But you're counting down like, "Come on, just one more," and you're almost at twelve weeks, and then we'll count down again. Then you're really angry because you want it to be over. "This period has to be over, I want to feel good again, I want my hair back." Because every week it can't happen, it all gets pushed back again.

Annemie : Before you can start your recovery.

Sarah : Yes, indeed

Annemie : And mentally, how do you get that fear of death under control?

Sarah : By, as I say, knowing where you stand. Because that's essentially the fact that if you don't know and you're living in limbo, you create that fear. And that's actually reinforced a bit when they tell you, "Your chances of survival are very good, but you're going to have to endure this." Yes, then you know.

Annemie : So information is very important. Knowing what's on and what's off, what you stand for, what your perspectives are.

Sarah : Yes, and I do think that healthcare now... Yes, I'm saying it, I've always been guided by a psychologist, a dietitian,... I've had various side effects, but the hardest for me was losing my hair . When I was diagnosed, my hair wasn't as long as it is now, but knowing I was going to lose it.

Because that's also what defines being ill. At that moment, you feel it, when you're wearing your hat or when you see yourself bald in the mirror. At moments like that, you know, I can do everything I can to feel as much like Sarah as possible before the diagnosis. I can put on my makeup and my wig, so I don't think it's so noticeable on the outside. But just the confrontation in the mirror with a bald head, with eyebrows that aren't there, with eyelashes that aren't there. That actually makes you realize, "I am sick." I am one of those people who are undergoing chemo, who are fighting cancer, and that is very confronting.

Annemie : And now, 5-6 years later, are you cured?

Sarah: Yes, that's right. I've been closely monitored over the past few years, because that was also an issue. Doctors don't really use the word "cure" anymore.

Annemie : No? They don't say that?

Sarah : No, they're never going to give me the news, "From now on, you're cured." No. They're going to follow up and then say, "We're monitoring it, and it's going well. The blood tests are good, the tumor marker remains good." So those are all positive impulses, but they're never going to mention the word "cured," no.

Annemie: And looking back on that period now, what were the things that kept you going? What was important to you now?

Sarah: My family, my children.

Annemie : Yes?

Sarah : Yes, really. Knowing, "I want to see them grow up, I want to experience many more wonderful moments with them." It's so true, those different phases of their childhood. Yes, Siebe, my son, wasn't quite two, and I still have that now. I look at my children and think, "I'm so happy." That I get to experience that, that I get to feel that.

Yes, seeing them grow up. Because there are, of course, many happy moments, but there are also more difficult ones, like when they argue or have problems at school. And yet, I'm so glad I get to experience it. That truly is my greatest motivation, and it always will be.

Annemie : And are there days when you don't think about that anymore and you can completely let it go?

Sarah : I have to say, when people see me, they're like, "We can't imagine that happening to you." But for me, I don't have a day where I don't think about it.

And sometimes it's the little things, like putting on my underwear in the morning, looking at myself in the mirror and seeing my chest. Then I always think, "Okay, that's done, and we're still here, and we're enjoying life." And my cup of coffee in the morning—that's truly my little blessing. Because chemo also changes your taste. I was a coffee drinker, always have been. But during that period, the coffee tasted absolutely awful. It had a really nasty flavor, so I didn't drink it for the entire period. And I can still remember the moment after the treatment. They told me it would take about eight weeks for the chemo to leave your body. And then I thought, okay, maybe I should give it a try and have a cup of coffee. And I still remember the moment I drank the coffee and thought, "It's coming back."

Annemie : That first coffee

Sarah : That first coffee indeed!

Annemie : Is it really true, or is it a cliché, that you learn to appreciate the little things more? Is that really true?

Sarah : Yes, that's really true, it's not a cliché. Like you said, there's a Sarah from before the diagnosis and there's a Sarah from after the diagnosis. And before I got the diagnosis, I was already a very positive person by nature. Someone who loves to laugh, who enjoys life. But now that's been reinforced so much more . And it manifests itself in all sorts of things. I just said it to my husband last week, "I'm so afraid we're stagnating for too long." You want to move forward, you have a few plans. You have a bucket list with a few plans, and you think, I've been given a second chance, and I want to make the most of it. And when I go through phases like that, because yes, you're also kind of overwhelmed by life, with the kids and work. Then I can go through a phase where I think, "Not enough is happening." Come on, I still want to do so much, and it's just not happening fast enough.

Annemie : And what's on that bucket list?

Sarah : Wow, that bucket list is mostly about taking wonderful trips. Taking wonderful trips with the kids.

Annemie : Together.

Sarah : Yes, together, as a family.

Um, it's actually a bit of a hodgepodge of everything. There are also a lot of little things on it. They even had a good laugh about it at my work recently. But uh, like asking for an ice cream with 7 scoops.

Annemie : Hahaha yes

Sarah : Yes, a lot of things. Professionally, there were a few things on there too, which I've since done. So yes, I still need to learn a few hobbies. I'd love to learn to surf. I've always regretted not being able to play a musical instrument. So who knows, maybe when the kids are a bit older and they're taking music theory classes, I'll say, "I'm in!"

Annemie : So you really want to experience life in all its facets and you are looking for moments of happiness?

Sarah : Yes, absolutely!

Annemie: Now, if you could give one piece of advice to people who are also going through something like this, where the sky falls on their head, what would you say?

Sarah: I would say, "Never lose hope." As long as there's hope, which I had, it will pass. It's a chapter in your life, a chapter in your book, but it's not the whole story.

And surround yourself with people who, in a positive way, give you the strength to go for it. And then things will work out somehow. But never lose hope, because if you don't have that hope that things will work out, it's really hard to keep finding that strength.

And don't always be strong. Because that's also something that's said, "You have to be strong." But no, also allow yourself to sometimes say, "I don't feel like being strong." That's okay too.

Annemie : That's true. Now, as you're talking, I see your arms moving, and I also see your tattoo. And that has a very special meaning too.

Sarah : Yeah, something like that too. I never would have done it before. But after the whole process, I did. I did, somewhat impulsively, get a tiny tattoo on my arm. With the words "Go Girl." Well, I still find the story behind it incredibly beautiful. The moment I received my treatment, my sister, with whom I have a very good relationship, by the way, gave me a necklace with the words "Go Girl."

Annemie : Is that the necklace you're wearing now?

Sarah : No, that's not it. Unfortunately not. But I found it very powerful at the time, so every chemo, every surgery I had, I always wore that necklace from my sister. Like a pat on the back.

Annemie : A lucky charm, a talisman, something like that?

Sarah : Yes, and at some point, after my treatment and the procedure, I apply for a promotion at work. And then, at some point, I submit my application and get the date I have to appear before the management committee. And I think, "Yeah, okay, I could use a pat on the back now." So I think, okay, I'm going to put on my sister's necklace, um, "Go girl." And I can't find it. Then I think, oh, where is it? Did Lotte put it somewhere, or is it somewhere in there? Did I lose it without realizing it?

I didn't find it.

At that point, I of course submitted my application and had my interview with the management committee.

Annemie : You were able to get over it?

Sarah : Yes, I was able to get over it, but it wasn't easy. And it went well and was very well received. And then, at one point, I thought, that's what was so powerful for me at the time of the diagnosis and even afterward.

I thought, "I've lost that necklace now, but I want something I can never lose again and that I can always have with me at any time." And then I decided, "Okay, I want a tattoo."

It's on my left arm, which is the side of my heart, and it's pink. That's for several reasons, but my favorite color is pink. And because it's related to breast cancer, where Think Pink is very important, and therefore the color pink, I thought it was only logical to have it immortalized in pink as well.

Annemie : I think it's a great slogan, actually. It could perfectly be Marie Méro.

Sarah : Yes, absolutely, hashtag #gogirl. I wear it with great pride.

Annemie : Yes, yes. Sarah, thank you so much. I'd say, spread that "go girl" message around the world; I'll join in.

Sarah : Absolutely, I'd love to! Thank you for letting me share my story with you, truly.